What is normally considered the self, that is, your ego or personality, is actually a collection of selves. Normally we act as if we are simply a single person, but with practice and increased sensitivity through therapy, one begins to realise that actually there are multiple subpersonalities that have a semi-autonomous existence of their own. These subparts usually operate at an unconscious level so we don't notice them too much. In effect, they collectively vote on what we need to do in any situation and the brain acts to sum their votes together so that the end result seems as if we, at a conscious level, make the decision as a single identity.
It is true that we do have a conscious self, but what you need to realise is that we also have subpersonalities that have somewhat of a say in what we do too. This is entirely normal and not to be worried over. The important idea is that some of these subpersonalities are unhappy and some are quite positive. Further, quite a few are a mix of happy and unhappy. One especially important subpart that you may have heard of is called the Inner Child.
So much for psychology. The one other thing to note, which you probably already know, is that we all have Inner Guides. Depending on what your beliefs are, these can be spiritual entities, subpersonalities or some combination thereof. Functionally it is sufficient to consider them as subparts. That is, they have a vote in how we run our lives too--along with our conscious self and our unconscious subparts.
ces that you may have encountered during your telling of the story.
You have a right to know who you are and how to be happy. When we come into this world we all have a special part to play. You do too. And you can find out what it is and do what you need to do. Your desire to complete this meditation and find out is a solid first step. In fact you are already half the way there! Honestly, most folks never even get to the point you have reached. To know what's missing and what you really want is vital. So be encouraged. You are walking the path to your goal.
You also can rely upon your strong belief in yourself. Parts of your being "inside" are gentle, knowing and do believe in you completely and unconditionally. How might you honour this inner spirit and find a way to make the space and quiet for it to share with you? How can you actively meet with your inner heart?
Your innate abilities have been with you since birth. They are available for you when you feel ready. Have the courage to look inside and try to accept ALL that you find. You will find some unpleasant and unhappy things too. It is ok. Simply hold the sad in one hand and the sweet in the other and then bring both hands together to your heart and let them all wash through you.
Your real self is whole and good. And the sadder experiences will find their rightful place in relation to you. They are part of life and you can be stronger and better for allowing them their due. Because you are, in truth, a spiritual being, you will naturally gravitate toward the Light and Love. This is just the way it is. You can count on it. It is universal law and it applies to you too!
Spiritual development is a wonderful way to find deeper levels of meaning in this sometimes very crazy world. Do you meditate? Do any of your friends? The straightest road forward is to make regular meditation a part of your life. However, this really depends on where you are at the moment along the spiritual path. There are other good options too. Rest assured that whatever calls to you from the path will be right for you. Life has a way of bringing us where we need to be, when we need to be there. What avenues could you pursue to enrich your path? How might you make it practical and fun?
You might like to find a group that is interested in self-development. Areas such as personal growth, health, spirituality and community service are good bets. Being around others who are interested in understanding themselves can be contagious. You may begin to learn the "knack" of looking inside. You can do it. We all can. It just takes a little support and some persistence in the right direction. Which friends could you form a "self-study" group with? Check the self-help books--they have plenty of ideas for exercises.
You are ok just as you are. Your desire to be happy and better understand the purpose of your life is wonderful! How might you balance this determination with an accepting attitude? How can you allow the day to unfold in its own way? There is no blame in being unhappy and feeling a bit lost in life. The only price you have to pay is commitment. You just need to commit to pick up the pieces and start again.
Falling down is not the end. It is scraped knees and some tears. You know this. We all do. The best way forward is to try. And to try with the help of friends and loved ones. How could you "conspire" with some friends to take a risk and explore what the greater meaning of life may be for you? Which of your friends have "got it right" in understanding their place in life? Which ones are really happy and content? How might you learn from them and seek their support and advice?
We carry our past experiences with us, inside, almost as baggage. And these memories (karma) include both good and bad experiences. It turns out that the unhappy ones can gradually distort our clear thinking and compassionate feelings. And when enough "emotional damage" has occurred, occasionally a negative energy can find its way into our emotional, etheric and physical bodies.
This is nothing especially uncommon. We all carry some negative energy with us. Otherwise we would be in heaven already! You might consider such negative forces as paying off karmic debt. And also try to remember that instead of being a heavy burden such work at clearing away these unwanted experiences can also be taken as a good opportunity to improve our wisdom and fortune.
In fact, whatever befalls us is really a blessing. Sometimes the blessing is in disguise, but it is a blessing nevertheless. This is because the fundamental nature of this world is to evolve toward a more harmonious and beneficial level of experience. We are all leaves floating on a tide that inexorably is sweeping toward Light. This is our great advantage and good fortune. Otherwise life would be too difficult. So, when the inevitable obstacles come, we can always remember that they are small eddies in a much more potent tide that IS going in the right direction. We are lucky that way. Truly.
It is usually the case that when a problem arises, we have two main options. One is that we can fight directly against the problem, trying to make it go away. We focus on what we don't want and hope to chase it away. So, for instance, "I don't want to be unhappy. I don't like not knowing my purpose!"
The other option is to deal with the problem indirectly by acting to cultivate the things we do want. In this case, we focus on what we do want and work to create it (and as a by-product, the problem often gradually fades away). So, for instance, "I want to feel more aligned with Divine intent. I want to be happy and complete!".
This second approach is usually much more effective and less stressful. That is, in general, we do best to work for something rather than against something. Still, it is also important for you to acknowledge your sadness and doubt. What might they be telling you about your own underlying feelings? Which ones might need some more care and attention?
You're on the right track! By concentrating on what you CAN do positively to strengthen your own spirit and resources you have chosen a wise road to reclaiming your integrity and wholeness. How might you work to further strengthen your own wholesome energies? How could you practice "being happy" in small ways?
Remember that you are a child of the Light and that wherever your journey takes you, Spirit is always present beside and with you. Open your heart, as best you can, and you will likely find the Love that heals and nourishes is still with you--as it always has been. It always will be too. We can all be grateful for this.